Midlife Minded

Christmas Day doesn’t hold much significance for me since our family doesn’t actively celebrate the holiday. Still, it was heartwarming to see my wife’s mom—who’s had her fair share of challenges—manage to walk down the stairs on her own. It reminded me of that scene in A Christmas Story where Timmy suddenly gains the ability to walk. Little miracles can happen anywhere, even on days we don’t fully observe.

Today, I find myself reflecting on the successes I’ve had in life, especially those achieved through consistent, daily effort. Earning my MCSE certification, finishing my degrees in Finance and Computer Science, and completing bootcamps for iOS development and network engineering weren’t the result of one big push; they were the product of steady, persistent steps. Sure, I haven’t always taken the most efficient path—my procrastination and tendency to lose focus have slowed me down—but I did get there eventually.

Now I have a rare day off, and it’s tempting to let it slip by. But I’m trying to remember the motto nullum cras, which reminds me to seize each day because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. If I project myself into the future, I want every day to look a bit like today: dedicated to the projects that matter, mindful in how I treat others, and actively shaping the direction of my life. By doing so, the future becomes a natural extension of my present efforts.

I also hold on to the wisdom that “this too shall pass.” Heraclitus teaches that we can’t step into the same river twice, because the river is always changing—and so are we. That truth reminds me to adapt willingly and steer my own growth, rather than letting life’s shifts happen haphazardly. I want to be intentional about changing course when needed and harnessing the reins of my life.

That’s my aspiration for today—and, by extension, for every day that follows.

December 24th, 2024

It’s Christmas Eve. A day for reflection, for family, for hope. Yet, here I sit, wrestling with the familiar demons of inadequacy and regret.

This morning started with a small act of love for my princess, daughter. I moved her car and filled it with gas, more than I could realistically afford. It’s a recurring theme in our relationship – my love abundant, my financial support… lacking.

My wife, my rock, my love, carries the weight of our financial burdens. I hate that she has to, especially now, as she battles her own demons: depression, the looming shadow of health and age… she’s hurting. A mistake at work hangs heavy over her, casting a pall over the festive season.  It breaks my heart to see her struggle like this.

Today should be a day of rest, a Christmas Eve respite. But the gnawing guilt of inactivity eats at me.  “You deserve a break,” whispers the insidious voice in my head. But do I? Have I earned it? This year has been a blur of survival, not accomplishment. The projects, the dreams, the ambitions… all remain tantalizingly out of reach.

I’m trying to cultivate new habits. Morning pages, like this journal entry, are a start.  Prompt compression, a technique to streamline my thoughts and spark action, is another.  But will they be enough to break this cycle of inertia?

Today’s prompt from Robert Greene’s Daily Laws strikes a chord: “Place yourself at death’s ground.”  Sun Tzu, the legendary strategist, understood the power of commitment. He positioned his troops where retreat was impossible, forcing them to fight for their very survival.

“Back yourself into a corner, Lew,”  Greene seems to be saying. “Eliminate the escape routes. Make action your only option.”

There is no tomorrow, only today.  But how do I back myself into a corner? How do I create that sense of urgency, that do-or-die motivation?

The Daily Stoic offers a sobering reflection: Meaningless, like fine wine.  In the grand scheme of things, our accomplishments, our pleasures, even our struggles, amount to little more than fleeting moments.  We are all, in the end, just filters.

But even fleeting moments can hold meaning. Even fine wine, enjoyed in moderation, can enrich life.  The question is, am I making the most of my fleeting moments? Am I savoring the wine, or letting it turn to vinegar?

These are the questions that haunt me this Christmas Eve. The answers, elusive as ever, remain to be found.